I was deeply hurt by one of my parents when I was a child. When I think of forgiving, I do not like the idea because it will take me from my victim status. I know it may sound odd to want to keep the identity of victim, but it is all I know. And I am not ready to let my parent “off the hook” just yet for what was done to me. Can you help me gain some perspective on this?

Change is difficult for many people and so you are not alone in that. Your current status of victim seems to give you a sense of security, even if it is mixed with pain. Please think about this contrast: Would you rather keep the security, with its pain, or experience temporary insecurity so that the pain can reduce substantially? Do you think that an identity of survivor or even thriver might be healthier for you in the long-run?  If so, are you willing to risk short-term insecurity to achieve this new and possibly healthier identity?

Regarding your parent, the one you “let off the hook” when you forgive is you.  And in forgiving, you give your parent a second chance.

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