Lewis Smedes in his 1984 book, Forgive and Forget, instructed us to “see with new eyes” the one who has offended.  I talked with my friends about this idea (of seeing with new eyes) and they thought it was just a game people play on themselves.  They say that seeing the offender with new eyes is a way to just let him or her off the hook.  Can you offer advice so that I can convince my friends that Smedes’ advice is not just a bad trick we play on ourselves?

You can see the offending person “with new eyes” and still say that what happened was wrong, is wrong, and always will be wrong.  In other words, you do not reframe the actual situation, but instead reframe who the offending person is.  That person is more than the wrong behavior.  If your friends see that the behavior continues to be seen as wrong, then perhaps they will see that “seeing with new eyes” is not a trick centered on the behavior itself.

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