Is it realistic to engage in the forgiveness process when reconciliation is impossible?

If a person chooses to forgive, then it not only is realistic but possibly healthy for the forgiver.  Forgiveness need not be perfect in that one person forgives, the other repents and changes, and now there is harmony.  One goal…

A True Story of Rape, Forgiveness and Reconciliation

If someone told you that a rape survivor was writing a book together with the man who raped her, you probably wouldn’t believe them. But that’s exactly what Thordis Elva has done with her former high school boyfriend who raped her…

I have forgiven someone who is not interested in reconciliation. I am interested in reconciling. It is ok for me to continue to give the gift of forgiveness in the hope of an eventual reconciliation?

Yes, you can offer overtures of forgiving from a distance, but please be careful that you do not use forgiving as a manipulation of the other’s feelings. When you forgive, try to make the motivation the other’s well-being.  Try to…

Whenever I try to reconcile with my partner, I am reminded of the mean things that he did. It kind of sets back the reconciliation process. What do you recommend?

This is not uncommon. When the old feelings emerge as you try to reconcile, I recommend that you once again start the forgiveness process with this person and with a focus on the particular hurtful event. The more you go…